“Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”
— Brené Brown
Have you ever felt like you needed to change who you are to fit in and be liked? Many of us have. But what if there is a better way, one that helps you feel good about yourself and grow stronger, both in school and life?
Let’s explore five steps to move from just “fitting in” to finding real belonging by choosing higher levels of positive energy.
1. What is the Difference Between Fitting In and True Belonging?
When you’re just trying to fit in, you might pretend to be someone else so people will accept you. You might say or do things you don’t really agree with just to feel liked. Brené Brown calls this “hustling for worthiness,” meaning we work too hard just to feel worthy or accepted.
But true belonging is different. It happens when you decide to be yourself, and people like you for who you really are. It means feeling comfortable and confident without pretending.
Example: John felt awkward when he first started working at a bank. He thought he had to act a certain way just to fit in. But then John discovered his “why,” the reason he loved helping people manage their money. Once he understood this, he started being himself and felt happier and more accepted.
2. Understanding Your Energy Levels
We all have energy inside us. This is not just about running or jumping, but how we think and feel. The 7 Levels of Energy come from IPEC’s (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching) Energy Leadership model. These levels help us understand our emotions and how we react to life.
- Levels 1 to 3: These lower levels happen when we feel scared, angry, or frustrated.
Level 1: Feeling helpless, scared, or alone.
Level 2: Feeling angry or blaming others.
Level 3: Trying to cope by making excuses or justifying our feelings.
When we get stressed, we often drop into Level 1 or 2, feeling stuck or upset. Sometimes, we might use Level 3 as a way to cope and get by.
- Levels 4 to 7: At these higher levels, we start caring more about others, think positively, and feel calm and confident. We are happier and perform better.
Here is how a group of friends described their own energy:
- Alex: Felt excited to help others (Level 5).
- Emily: Felt frustrated and a bit stuck (Level 3).
- Ryan: Knew he was at Level 3 and wanted to move higher.
- Sophia: Stayed responsible but stressed (Level 3).
- Daniel: Wanted to help others a lot but learned to balance to avoid burnout (Level 4).
Knowing your energy level helps you make changes and grow.
3. Turning Challenges into Chances to Grow
Nobody likes tough times, but challenges are not there to punish us. They are opportunities to learn and grow stronger.
When things get hard:
- You discover what is important to you.
- You see who your true friends are.
- You show others how strong and kind you can be.
Think about challenges like rain. Sometimes you need to learn to “dance in the rain” instead of hiding from it.
4. Building Real and Authentic Connections
To truly belong, you must be real and honest about who you are. As you move into higher energy levels, you will feel less afraid to be yourself. When you are authentic, you build stronger friendships and trust with others.
When you face tough times, especially around people you are trying to help or work with, being real helps build trust and respect.
5. Belonging is Your Choice, Every Day
Feeling like you belong is not just luck. It is something you choose. Do not let old worries or past experiences make you feel unsure today. Each day, you have the power to choose higher energy, confidence, and authenticity.
When you choose to be yourself consistently, even if things do not change right away, you will start feeling that you truly belong.
Reflect on This:
- When have you changed yourself just to fit in? How did it make you feel?
- Can you think of one way you can show your real self at work or at home?
- What is one challenge you have faced that helped you grow stronger?
Remember, you do not need to change who you are to fit in. Choose to be yourself, grow your energy, and true belonging will follow.
